Made it Through Last Week
Nov. 11th, 2025 08:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pennswoods Last week was a hard week that included an 8 hour morning workshop split across two mornings on Monday and Wednesday, grading, feedback on a student MA thesis, advising students for spring registration which entailed a lot of problem-solving, a Friday late morning-early afternoon workshop I volunteered for to be a good citizen at my uni, the state conference which we hosted all day Saturday (from 7:00-5:00) and my husband's 50th birthday on Sunday which required a lot of extra logistics to arrange due to it being on a Sunday and us being occupied all day Saturday. This was on top of my regular teaching and meeting workload.
Not a lot of writing got done on my book at all. I think I managed to squeeze in an hour on Monday.
I had trouble sleeping most nights last week and even had nightmares the Saturday before it all kicked off. I awoke several times with a crushing ball of anxiety and dread in my stomach based on the fear of dropping balls and absolute guilt over my book. I haven't had that degree of anxiety in a while and my period ended up starting at the end of the week suggestion that some of the awful crushing anxiety was being exacerbated by hormones.
But I made it through the week and I did not really drop balls. The main casualties were grading, which is not fully finished, zero strength training, which I put aside because I could not fit in time for the extra exercise (I did do my running because I absolutely needed to get outside and off my computer), less feedback for my MA student than she needed, and of course my book.
There were moments of high stress where I really was not my best self. I was talking to my therapist about that. I also recognize that my anxiety is heavily driven by this fear of failure and perfectionism and all sorts of false beliefs. We talked about it yesterday - I believe things will fall or succeed because of me and that it's my responsibility. We're going to try some EMDR to reprogram this core belief because it really does hold me back and slow me down.
Not a lot of writing got done on my book at all. I think I managed to squeeze in an hour on Monday.
I had trouble sleeping most nights last week and even had nightmares the Saturday before it all kicked off. I awoke several times with a crushing ball of anxiety and dread in my stomach based on the fear of dropping balls and absolute guilt over my book. I haven't had that degree of anxiety in a while and my period ended up starting at the end of the week suggestion that some of the awful crushing anxiety was being exacerbated by hormones.
But I made it through the week and I did not really drop balls. The main casualties were grading, which is not fully finished, zero strength training, which I put aside because I could not fit in time for the extra exercise (I did do my running because I absolutely needed to get outside and off my computer), less feedback for my MA student than she needed, and of course my book.
There were moments of high stress where I really was not my best self. I was talking to my therapist about that. I also recognize that my anxiety is heavily driven by this fear of failure and perfectionism and all sorts of false beliefs. We talked about it yesterday - I believe things will fall or succeed because of me and that it's my responsibility. We're going to try some EMDR to reprogram this core belief because it really does hold me back and slow me down.
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